Most of us spend our lives trying to make sense of what’s already happened — replaying conversations, defending decisions, explaining why we did what we did. That’s rationalizing. And while it brings understanding, it rarely brings growth.
True growth happens when we move from rationalizing to reframing.
We’re Not Rational, We’re Rationalizing
Software engineer Billy Markus once said:
“People are not rational. They are rationalizing.”
That truth changes how you see people and yourself.
Our actions are often less about logic and more about meaning-making. We’re all just trying to make sense of our experiences in real time.
From Rationalizing the Past to Reframing the Future
Rationalizing explains what was.
Reframing redefines what can be.
When you catch yourself reacting, try asking:
• “What story am I telling myself right now?”
• “What else could be true?”
That small pause can transform defensiveness into discovery.
The 4-Step Reframe Process
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Awareness – Notice the reaction without judgment.
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Understanding – Identify the belief or fear behind it.
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Reframe – Shift your perspective to something truer and more empowering.
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Action – Move forward aligned with that new understanding.